Bedroom

In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman

Are you ready to live your best sex life? Put the passion back in your relationship with this five-step action plan and sexual assessments from renowned sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman.

Step 1: Tell the Truth
Step 2: Ask for What You Want Foreplay Map
Step 3: Let Go of Negative Messages
Step 4: See a Doctor
Step 5: Make Sex a Priority

Tell the Truth About Your Sex Life

More than 70 percent of women have faked orgasms on a regular basis, if not once or twice. But if you're looking for a more satisfying sex life, Dr. Laura Berman says it's time to start telling the truth—and stop "mercy faking."

It's time for you and your partner to see how your sex life rates. Quiz yourself and use these self-assessments to get started.

If your needs aren't being met between the sheets, it's time to have a conversation. Feel like you're not fluent in the language of sex? Use this Foreplay Map to start the discussion.

Did you grow up thinking that sex was vulgar or "not something nice girls did"? Those negative messages you received as a child could be affecting your sex life today. Learn how to replace them with positive messages and reclaim your sex life.

1. Start a Sex Journal
Growing up, you may have received some negative messages about sex along the way. Now is the time to move beyond those old beliefs and embrace the fact that you are a grown woman who doesn't have to carry the beliefs of those who raised you.

Start by writing down the negative messages you received growing up or the messages you picked up from your parents' relationships. When you are ready to let them go, you can cross them out, rip out the page—anything that will symbolize letting go to you.

Then, take a moment to document the situations where these moments came up in your life. This way, you'll become more conscious of when old messages surface.

When those messages do pop in your head, it's important to replace them with positive thoughts. So go ahead and create a new sexual mantra! Here are a few to get you started:

• This is good.
• I am entitled to sexual pleasure.
• I am a sensual, sexual woman.
• I'm allowed to feel this.
• This is good for my body.
• This is good for my soul.
• This is good for my relationship.
• I am entitled to a healthy, happy sex life.
• I deserve pleasure, and receiving pleasure is a loving act.
• I am sexy and beautiful.
• A good sex life is good for me and good for my body.
• Sex is about expressing my love and connection to the person I love.
• Loving myself and touching myself is good and healthy for me.
• I embrace my body and my sexuality.
• Experiencing pleasure is an important part of my quality of life.
• By loving myself I am better able to love my partner.
• Receiving pleasure is as important as giving pleasure.
• Loving my sexuality is loving myself,
• Sex is the most sacred gift I can share with myself and someone I love.
• I am a sensual, loving woman who can experience deep pleasure.
• I open myself to pleasure.
• I am safe and in control. It's OK to let go.

2. Become More Comfortable with Your SexualityGo ahead and say it, "I am a vixen!" Whether it's taking a pole dancing class or just dancing at home by yourself, find activities that make you feel sexy and playful.

3. Try Something New
Whether it's a new position or a sex toy, try mixing things up a bit. Sex toys can also help you achieve orgasm if you're having trouble. Not sure which product is right for you? Take the quiz!

You can keep a private sex journal on Oprah.com. Start a private blog.