Common Sexual Problems in Marriage

Lack of sex is the number one complaint we hear about married sex. Pornography, masturbation, infidelity, and sexual fantasies are other common sexual problems in marriages. Separating facts from myths when it comes to these issues is the first step in solving these sexual problems. The second step is talking with one another about these issues.

Foster Romance

Let your spouse know of your love and caring not only through your words but through your actions, too.

Love and Sex in Marriage

Sex can keep your marriage strong and lack of sex can destroy your marriage. When there are sexual problems in your marriage, there is quite possible that the two of you will separate within 12 months. Two ways to keep your sex life active is to make time for one another and to talk with each other.
By Sheri & Bob Stritof, About.com Guides

Is intimacy before marriage wrong if you don't have sex?

To answer the question properly, we must first define what it means to be intimate. Since the question mentions marriage and sex, the intimacy is sexual in nature. Any type of sexual union, contact, intimacy is for the marriage only between a husband and wife.

If a man and woman who are not married go to bed together naked and do not have sexual intercourse, this is still sinful. If they fondle each other without having sexual intercourse it is sinful.

If they go to bed together naked and just hold each other, it is sinful. The whole point is that the nakedness, viewing the nakedness, the touching of the private areas, fondling, etc., are all reserved for the marriage bed between a husband and a wife. God clearly instructs that we remain morally pure. by Matt Slick

http://carm.org/intimacy-marriage-wrong-if-you-dont-have-sex

Signs and symptoms of compulsive sexual behavior

Other names for sexual addiction
Nymphomania, hypersexuality, erotomania, perversion, sexual obsession, sexual addiction.

Signs and symptoms of compulsive sexual behavior
Having multiple sexual partners or extramarital affairs.

Engaging in sex with many anonymous partners or prostitutes. Sex addicts treat sexual partners as objects rather than social intimates that are only used for sex.


Engaging in excessive masturbation, as often as 10 to 20 times a day.

Using pornographic materials a lot. Using chat rooms or on line pornography or sex chat phone lines excessively.

Engaging in types of sexual behavior that you would not have considered acceptable before. Examples are masochistic or sadistic sex. Sometimes more extreme forms of sexual behavior are engaged in, for example pedophilia, bestiality, rape.

Exposure in public.

Effects of Sexual Addiction

There is a line between being enjoying sex, its peripheral pleasures and sexual addiction. In sexual addiction long periods of time are given over to sex-related activities. Sex addicts feel unable to control sexual behavior or even reduce its incidence. People with sexual addiction behavior often use sex as an escape from other problems such as anxiety, stress, depression and social isolation.

Sexual Addiction

Most common among men, sexual addiction is an overwhelming desire to have sex. Sexual behavior becomes a problem and is considered an addiction when it is repeated often enough to interfere with normal daily living. Addictive sexual behavior interferes with relationships, work, friendships, and lifestyle.

Sex Boosts Self-Esteem

 Boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex, collected by University of Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass., although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. "One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves," she tells WebMD. "Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it.

Sex Improves Cardiovascular Health

 While some older folks may worry that the efforts expended during sex could cause a stroke, that's not so, according to researchers from England. In a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, scientists found frequency of sex was not associated with stroke in the 914 men they followed for 20 years.

And the heart health benefits of sex don't end there. The researchers also found that having sex twice or more a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half for the men, compared with those who had sex less than once a month.

Sex Burns Calories

Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.

"Sex is a great mode of exercise," says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective, to do it well, she says.

Sex Boosts Immunity

Good sexual health may mean better physical health. Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.

Sex Relieves Stress

A big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction, according to researchers from Scotland who reported their findings in the journal Biological Psychology. They studied 24 women and 22 men who kept records of their sexual activity. Then the researchers subjected them to stressful situations -- such as speaking in public and doing verbal arithmetic -- and noted their blood pressure response to stress.

Those who had intercourse had better responses to stress than those who engaged in other sexual behaviors or abstained.

Another study published in the same journal found that frequent intercourse was associated with lower diastolic blood pressure in cohabiting participants. Yet other research found a link between partner hugs and lower blood pressure in women

Sex and Health

When you're in the mood, it's a sure bet that the last thing on your mind is boosting your immune system or maintaining a healthy weight. Yet good sex offers those health benefits and more.

Bedroom

In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman

Are you ready to live your best sex life? Put the passion back in your relationship with this five-step action plan and sexual assessments from renowned sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman.

Step 1: Tell the Truth
Step 2: Ask for What You Want Foreplay Map
Step 3: Let Go of Negative Messages
Step 4: See a Doctor
Step 5: Make Sex a Priority

Tell the Truth About Your Sex Life

More than 70 percent of women have faked orgasms on a regular basis, if not once or twice. But if you're looking for a more satisfying sex life, Dr. Laura Berman says it's time to start telling the truth—and stop "mercy faking."

It's time for you and your partner to see how your sex life rates. Quiz yourself and use these self-assessments to get started.

If your needs aren't being met between the sheets, it's time to have a conversation. Feel like you're not fluent in the language of sex? Use this Foreplay Map to start the discussion.

Did you grow up thinking that sex was vulgar or "not something nice girls did"? Those negative messages you received as a child could be affecting your sex life today. Learn how to replace them with positive messages and reclaim your sex life.

1. Start a Sex Journal
Growing up, you may have received some negative messages about sex along the way. Now is the time to move beyond those old beliefs and embrace the fact that you are a grown woman who doesn't have to carry the beliefs of those who raised you.

Start by writing down the negative messages you received growing up or the messages you picked up from your parents' relationships. When you are ready to let them go, you can cross them out, rip out the page—anything that will symbolize letting go to you.

Then, take a moment to document the situations where these moments came up in your life. This way, you'll become more conscious of when old messages surface.

When those messages do pop in your head, it's important to replace them with positive thoughts. So go ahead and create a new sexual mantra! Here are a few to get you started:

• This is good.
• I am entitled to sexual pleasure.
• I am a sensual, sexual woman.
• I'm allowed to feel this.
• This is good for my body.
• This is good for my soul.
• This is good for my relationship.
• I am entitled to a healthy, happy sex life.
• I deserve pleasure, and receiving pleasure is a loving act.
• I am sexy and beautiful.
• A good sex life is good for me and good for my body.
• Sex is about expressing my love and connection to the person I love.
• Loving myself and touching myself is good and healthy for me.
• I embrace my body and my sexuality.
• Experiencing pleasure is an important part of my quality of life.
• By loving myself I am better able to love my partner.
• Receiving pleasure is as important as giving pleasure.
• Loving my sexuality is loving myself,
• Sex is the most sacred gift I can share with myself and someone I love.
• I am a sensual, loving woman who can experience deep pleasure.
• I open myself to pleasure.
• I am safe and in control. It's OK to let go.

2. Become More Comfortable with Your SexualityGo ahead and say it, "I am a vixen!" Whether it's taking a pole dancing class or just dancing at home by yourself, find activities that make you feel sexy and playful.

3. Try Something New
Whether it's a new position or a sex toy, try mixing things up a bit. Sex toys can also help you achieve orgasm if you're having trouble. Not sure which product is right for you? Take the quiz!

You can keep a private sex journal on Oprah.com. Start a private blog.

Tell the Truth About Your Sex Life

More than 70 percent of women have faked orgasms on a regular basis, if not once or twice. But if you're looking for a more satisfying sex life, Dr. Laura Berman says it's time to start telling the truth—Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Tell-the-Truth-Dr-Bermans-Best-Life-Sex-Tip#ixzz1TiGQkSlW

Seek to Improve Your Sex Lives

 Therapy that focuses only on the mind may fall short; rather, it should seek to educate one about their bodies, how sex may be modified to be more pleasurable or how certain medical conditions or prescription medications can interfere with sexual response. As one seek to improve the sex lives, try to pay attention to the multi-faceted ways that the body and mind play together.

Female Orgasm

Both mind and body play a very important role in a person or couple's experience of sexuality that is certain. Let's take a look at orgasm. The more we learn about female orgasm, it seems that the structure of a woman's genitals may play a role in her ease of orgasm. Personality factors, which are at least partly accounted for by genetic make up, are also linked to women's ease of orgasm. 

Learning To Relax During Sex

 Learning to relax during sex, or by learning to better communicate with ones partner so that there is no feel of pressure  or inadequate during sex raise a big question about sex: how much of sex can we attribute to the body? How much to the mind?

Don't Judge Your Sex Drive | Erotic Attraction Changes

Comparing ourselves to others and concluding that we come up short may be the most common way humans create their own unhappiness. With sex (as with the rest of life) do your best to sidestep comparisons, or, more realistically, to strip them of their emotional power.

It's true that people differ widely in the ease and intensity of their sexual experience, just as they differ in their capacity to enjoy conversation, music, friendship, or gardening. But so what?

For women in particular, arousal and orgasm can take a lot of time and attention after the altered brain chemistry of the honeymoon stage wears off. As marriage expert Pat Love described it, (referring to lower-testosterone women) first you have to focus, focus, and focus some more, until you get exactly the right erotic fantasy in mind. Then, of course, a spot on the ceiling (is it a water stain?) or a thought about the laundry distracts you (should I have put the linen pants in the washer?) and you have to start working all over again until finally, finally, you have your orgasm.

I don't mean to discourage you from getting help if you're seriously troubled by a damped-down libido. It can be very difficult to relax, for example, if you've been sexually abused, and it's worth the money to see a good therapist. And a number of medications that shut down libido can be replaced by other medications that don't.

Also, your capacity for erotic attraction changes with time, so you may lose it when you're home with little kids, and re-discover it when they're in school and you're out in the workplace again. But don't compare your current level of desire to what it first was with your partner. Helen Fisher, an evolutionary anthropologist reminds us that the hormonal cocktail for passion and romance is short-lived, lasting a few years at most.

Certain physical conditions that inhibit sexual response can be helped by a skilled urologist or gynecologist. But "lack of desire" is too quickly labeled a medical problem, disorder, syndrome, or dysfunction, with the goal of getting you fixed.

Be wary of a narrow medical model; sexual desire is far too emotionally complicated to reduce it to hormones and to the function or dysfunction of your parts. My best advice is to realize that you're okay the way you are, or, as Elisabeth Kubler-Ross put it, "I'm not okay, you're not okay, and that's okay."

Don't Judge Your Sex Drive(cont..)

For women in particular, arousal and orgasm can take a lot of time and attention after the alteredbrain chemistry of the honeymoon stage wears off. As marriage expert Pat Love described it, (referring to lower-testosterone women) first you have to focus, focus, and focus some more, until you get exactly the right erotic fantasy in mind. Then, of course, a spot on the ceiling (is it a water stain?) or a thought about the laundry distracts you (should I have put the linen pants in the washer?) and you have to start working all over again until finally, finally, you have your orgasm.

Don't Judge Your Sex Drive

Comparing ourselves to others and concluding that we come up short may be the most common way humans create their own unhappiness. With sex (as with the rest of life) do your best to sidestep comparisons, or, more realistically, to strip them of their emotional power.

It's true that people differ widely in the ease and intensity of their sexual experience, just as they differ in their capacity to enjoy conversation, music, friendship, or gardening. But so what?